Values Discovery: The Power of Knowing Your Positive and Negative Life Values

In this post, we’ll discover your positive and negative values and the benefits of doing so. Expect the exercise to take roughly 20 minutes.

Why Identify our Positive and Negative Values?

Identifying our values illuminates what is truly important to us. It paves the way for us to live life at the higher end of our happiness spectrum. Don’t YOU want to be happy more often? As Suzuki Roshi so eloquently put it 

“You’re perfect, AND there’s room for improvement!”

When life brings us to a crossroads, we don’t always make the choice that best falls in line with our values. Knowing our values empowers us to make better choices. Perhaps we aren’t aware such a choice even exists. When we make conscious choices that go against our subconscious values, it creates a mental incongruence. This mental incongruence creates a conflict that leaves us disempowered and unmotivated. It is a form of inflammation, of tension within our mind. Often, we have no idea what made us feel that way, and that added frustration creates a cycle of unskillful choices and behaviors.

Much of the time exercises such as this focus only on positive values. I believe it is equally as important to identify our negative values. These are experiences that leave us frustrated, sad, angry, or anxious. Understanding these values has the benefit of giving us a more holistic understanding of ourselves, and paves the way for us to figure out how to reframe those experiences so they bother us less (more on that in the next post).

What is important to you and makes you happy? What feelings and experiences would you do anything to avoid? 

Values Discovery Exercise

Note: I find it helpful to use an old school paper and pen for this exercise. The physicality and slower pace of writing makes it more effective. You can print out this workbook to make it easier.

1. We start by making a list 

Over the last 4-6 Months what has been most important to you? (think one or two word answers. Love, growth, freedom, giving, excellence, humor, connection, learning, etc)

Need some inspiration? This is a pretty good list to get some ideas

2. Now add to the list

Looking back over your whole life, what has been most important to you?

3. Now rank the values by comparing each value to the other

If your values are Love, Freedom, Growth, Giving, start by comparing Love to Freedom - which is more important to you? Give a point to that one. Then compare Love to Growth. Then to Giving. Then go back up and compare Freedom to Growth, then to Giving. Etc.  

Having trouble picking between two? Take a deep breath and go with your gut. Trust your intuition on this one.

4. Identify your top 3-5 values based on what has the most points.

Now we go to discover our negative values. This portion is crucial and may make us uncomfortable. It is important to be honest as we uncover these aspects of ourselves.

5. Make another list for negative values

Looking at your life as a whole, what are the feelings, or emotions that you would do almost anything to avoid having to experience? What about in the last 3-4 months?

Some of mine include: restriction, inadequacy (feeling not good enough), urgency (crunched for time), hatred, negativity, incompetence

6. Go through the same ranking exercise as before

Give points to which value causes the most discomfort or is most prevalent in your life.  Which negative values are most powerful? Does restriction cause more discomfort than urgency?

Your life will be the most fulfilling the more you can live your positive values, and the less you feel pressured by your negative values.

Next Steps

I find it helpful to have my values clearly laid out and to revisit them daily until I fully integrate them. Keep them on a notepad on your desk, put them on your fridge, or even set them as your cell phone background. 

Be mindful of your values as you go through your day and take a mental note as they bubble up. What experiences resonate with your positive values? When in your daily routine do you feel the negative values being triggered?

Values change over time. Shifting life circumstances and personal growth can drastically alter what is important to us. For this reason, I find it helpful to revisit this exercise at least twice a year. In addition, consider discovering how your values might shift after a significant life event. The birth of a child, a new job, moving to a new area, etc.