Identifying and Transforming Emotional States with your PALM

In this article, we will discuss a powerful mnemonic device for distinguishing and altering emotional patterns, increasing emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is a relatively new term used to describe a person’s ability to understand, consider, and consequently influence the emotions of themselves and others. It can be broken up into five main categories: self awareness, self management, motivation + resilience, relationships, and empathy. The tool in this article will help largely with the first two categories, although all of them will be improved to some degree with proper application of the technique. (More discussion and tools for the other categories in future blog posts!)

Emotions are impulses triggered by our brains to tell us to act on something to take care of our lives. These impulses trigger a set of psychological and physiological patterns that, acting together, can be called an emotional state.
The fascinating phenomenon is that this is a two-way street - by consciously altering our physical and mental patterns, we can change our emotional state!
The PALM technique helps us to distinguish our patterns as they come up, thus empowering us to alter them to our benefit.

Getting to Know Your PALM

The letters in PALM stand for physicality, attention, language, meaning. Let’s dive in.

Physicality

Physicality, or physical association, for many is the most obvious and easiest to alter of the pieces of your emotional patterns. Ask yourself

• What is my body doing as I feel a specific emotion?

• What are my facial expressions?

• What are my hands and feet doing?

• How is my posture? Are my shoulders hunched forward or are they back with a straight spine?

• Is there tension in my jaw?

• Are my eyebrows furled or unfurled?

• Am I smiling? Frowning?

• What could my body be doing if I was in a different emotional state?

While many of these may seem obvious, we often don’t spend the time to dig in to them and be consciously aware of them. Furthermore, many of us don’t realize that by altering our physical state we can start to alter our emotional state.
If our shoulders are hunched forward, this is physiologically a sign of fear. By standing up straight and rolling our shoulders back, we can start to create a more confident state. Similarly, noticing and relaxing the tension in our jaw can do wonders for transforming anxiety or anger.

The cliche “turn that frown upside down” has a lot more credit to it than many think. Consciously smiling does, in fact, help to alter our emotional state.

What are other physical patterns do you notice in varying emotional states?

Attention

When caught in a specific emotional state, we automatically start thinking of things that reinforce that emotional state. When angry, we suddenly remember all the other times someone made us angry, or we start to notice and get pissed off by other things in our lives. To get a better understanding of this phenomenon, ask yourself

• Where does my attention go to when I’m feeling a particular emotion?

• What memories come up when I’m feeling sad or angry vs happy or grateful?

• Am I starting to nitpick and point out other things that reinforce the emotional state I’m in right now?

• Where could my attention likely be going if I was in a different emotional state?

Where focus goes, energy flows. By noticing and altering our focus, we can then direct our energy to more productive outlets.
There are few days that can’t be improved through an attitude of gratitude!

Language

The language we use has extraordinary power. This is true for the words we choose to communicate with others, as well as in our own internal monologue. Ask yourself

• What words am I using when I speak to others when I am angry or sad vs excited and happy?

• What words am I using in my own thoughts in various emotional states?

• What words could I likely be using if I was in a different emotional state?

When in various negative emotional states, we often start using words like crappy, awful, terrible. Sometimes we’ll use judgmental words like could, should, would, and need. The words “could have” and “should” can be particularly damaging when used in our internal monologue, as they relate to the feeling of inadequacy.

By consciously altering the words we choose to use both to ourselves and others, we can dramatically alter our emotional state.

Meaning

When faced with any situation in life, we subconsciously attribute meaning to it. Luckily, through the power of human consciousness, we also have the ability to consciously choose a different meaning. Perhaps someone says “hey you look good today!” - do you take that to mean that they are just noticing you are in look radiant right now, or do you take it to mean that you don’t look good on other days? As it turns out, the meaning you attribute ties closely to your emotional state.

Ask yourself

• What meaning am I taking from this situation and how might it relate to how I’m feeling right now?

• What meaning could I be getting from this if I was in a different emotional state?

The meanings we take from our experiences are crucial in developing our lifestyle. Each attribution creates, alters, or reinforces our existing belief systems. The more we can notice the meanings we take from situations and transform them to be those of more positive emotional states, the more we can be in those positive emotional states. And who doesn’t want to be happier more often?

Next Steps

Note your emotional states as you feel them and identify the PALM categories. If you have a journaling practice, reflect on them in your journal. Turn this into a habit as you reflect on your experiences. The more we can understand ourselves, the more empowered we are to take command of our lives.
After distinguishing some of the physical associations, attention, language, and meaning of your emotional states, start brainstorming how to alter them. By thinking about your alternatives (or ideally writing them) you are priming your subconscious to choose those alternatives next time you are in an emotional state you don’t want to be in. Furthermore, it’ll solidify those options in your memory so you can consciously pick and choose them to change your patterns.
Remember to think from the perspective of other emotional states.
If I was excited, what would my body be doing write now?
If I was calm, how would my language be different?
If I was feeling grateful, where would my attention be going?
If I was feeling loved, what meaning would I be taking from this situation?

Go forth and master your PALM!